


crashing waters

by Ineedvan



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, Marvel - Freeform, RIP, marvel is better than dc, mcu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 10:06:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11250921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ineedvan/pseuds/Ineedvan
Summary: I dive into the deep crashing waters below me.As I let the water consume me.As I let death take me in.But in all reality.Is this really how I want to die?





	crashing waters

Is this what my life had come to?  
To the point, when I look up to suicide for help.  
A jump down the cliff.  
To fall down in the cool,  
Crashing Waters below.  
But then again, I think.  
I was happy at one point.  
The highest point in my life.  
In the peak of all happiness and action.  
Dating Steve for two years.  
That was my highest.  
Being the winter soldier.  
Killing all those innocent people.  
And then remembering all of their faces.  
Each and every one of them.  
That was my lowest.

I take a step closer to the ledge.

Dating Steve.  
I shall admit, dating him was the best.  
He helped me when I couldn't help myself.  
He was there to comfort me when I couldn't comfort myself.  
But then I think.  
He was always there.  
Because I was never there.  
I mentally died with myself when I fell off the train.  
Only for my body to take on the form of James Buchanan Barnes.  
To be the new Bucky.  
To be the ghost story people knew.  
To be the Winter Soldier.

Another step closer.

Throughout my years of living.  
All my memories I collected.  
Just all to be forgotten.  
All of the biggest events.  
The biggest event,  
Meeting Steve.  
Just all those years being with him down the drain.  
Every memory forgotten.  
But on those rare occasions.  
When I would see glimpses of different memories.  
And when I would ask about him.  
More specifically him, being Steve.  
They would put me back in the blender.  
To chop up scraps of my memories.  
And to flush them down the drain.

Another step closer.

People forgiving me.  
Had to be some what of a good point.  
For the people to forgive me,  
That's when I would finally realize that I could start over.  
Starting over.  
Something I wish I could always do.  
To start over though.  
Is when you know that you could finally let go.  
Let go of all the good, bad, and the sad.  
But as I said I would love to start over again.  
But how can I when I am not myself.  
How can I just let go, of all the innocent people I killed.  
How?

Another step closer.

Steve would tell me, all those things I did wasn't me.  
But I did them.  
I was the assassin called the winter soldier.  
I was the ghost story people feared.  
I remember waking up to the scream of the people I killed.  
And having Steve there to comfort me, when ever I would have a night mare.  
But I remember when he couldn't be there.  
I would wake up covered in cold sweat.  
And fall back asleep crying.  
I didn't have Steve to say comforting words to me.  
I didn't have anyone's help.  
I just had myself

I reach the ledge

I want to say I would love to live a full and happy life.  
To live it with Steve.  
To die together,  
Or to die alone.  
When I'm gone.  
I'm going to want to Steve, to live on.  
I don't want to weigh his life down.  
I never wanted to let him down.  
But here I am.

I love you Steve.  
I always will.

I then jump.

Jump down to the water below.

I crash in.

But as I do, I hit my head on a rock.

I let the water fill me up.  
Like a balloon being filled with air.  
I let go.

But just then I feel someone drag me out.

It was Steve.

He sees the blood on my head.  
He looks at me with his bright blue eyes.  
Now cloudy and filled with sadness.  
He knows I'm not going to make it.  
So he opens his mouth.  
And starts to sing.

You are my sunshine  
My only sunshine  
You make me happy  
When sky's are grey  
You'll never know, dear  
How much I love you  
Please don't take my sunshine away

Multiple tears stream down his cheeks.

I then say my final words.  
The words barley audible.

I love you Steve, and I'm with you till the end of the line, pal.

**Author's Note:**

> what have i done to myself


End file.
